Stepchildren that are disrespectful and angry need to be understood. Can you imagine the pain of being stripped of your family, security, and roots at a young age? Can you imagine being thrown into a schedule of when you can see your mom or dad? Can you imagine feeling robbed of your family?
In order to find the peace, you must first step into their shoes. Imagine what it would be like and how you would feel. The best way to deal with their attitude and pain is to:
Stop trying to make something happen
Allow them to have their time and space and allow them to come to you. Never push or have a need to be liked. This will only make them resent you even more.
Never give them the upper hand by needing them to accept you
As the new parent, make sure that all your insecurities are healed and that you don’t put them on the family. You can’t use the kids as pawns in a game of love and being liked with your partner, it is not a competition.
Live in the energy of self- love
Instead, invite the kids to come into your world because there is an open door that has no agenda. If you practice self-love – you will send the message that you are fabulous and who wouldn’t want to get to know you. Know that they are taking their frustration of the situation onto you.
Do not play any games
You are an adult so make sure you lead by example. Do not use manipulative tactics to get them on your team. Be honest, straightforward, and tell the truth – they will respect you for it.
Put your attention on something else
Don’t focus on the energy of disrespect, do not feed into it, also don’t allow yourself to be mistreated. State powerful boundaries and then leave the situation.
Time is a great present
It will show the kids who you really are and that you actually care for them. That you are not there to “break up their family” or “steal away their parent”. They will grow to love you once they see you don’t have another agenda.
All parents in any situation must follow rules of self-love and boundaries so kids in any situation do not guilt or manipulate you. Show them that you own yourself, love yourself, and don’t play games.
You might not be their parent but that does not mean they can disrespect another human being. In time they will get the truth- that you have a great relationship with yourself and don’t take bad treatment. This is the greatest rule for any and all relationships.
Terrie L. Vanover
Relationship Strategist, Choosing to Rise, LLC
When dealing with difficult stepchildren, it’s vital that we look at our own role in every situation.
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